Friday, November 18

The Google Strategic Server Force

In its Cold War with Microsoft, Google is readying a new weapon: The Google Strategic Server Force (GSSF). This new elite mobile strike force is emerging as a main component in Google's strategic arsenal. The Government reports that Google is readying the first deployment of the G-36M series mobile data centers and predicts that they will be online in time for Santa.

The new arsenal is primarily targeted at The Enemy's primary capital, Redmond. However, other targets include Walmart, Ebay, and Association of American Publishers whose recent refusal to capitulate with Google's order to turn over all books and databases for indexing as part of Google Base and Books has resulted in the escalation of tensions between the major super powers.

The new mobile data centers are reportedly running Google OS 3.7M Cheetah with its new autonomic load balancing and data redundancy features courtesy of GFS II.x . Reportedly, the tractor trailer based centers are semi-autonomous agents based on K.I.T.T. whose prototype was designed by Mr. Norvig himself and utilizes the latest AI research. The previous model, the G-33M was widely successful and recently conquered the Government's toughest test. Google reportedly has 10-20 of these new data centers in its underground garage-bunkers, each with an effective range of 1,000 miles. Yahoo CEO Terry Semel described the level of this new threat:
We're talking about 5000 Opteron processors and 3.5 petabytes of disk storage that can be dropped-off overnight by a tractor-trailer rig. The idea is to plant one of these puppies anywhere Google owns access to fiber, basically turning the entire Internet into a giant processing and storage grid.
The new GSSF is under the direct authority of the Google Supreme High Command. The control of the troops is effected directly by the Supreme Commander in Chief through the central command headquarters of the General Staff and the main headquarters of the GSSF, using a multi-level extended network of command posts operating in alert-duty mode.

Bill Gates and other world internet leaders condemned this new technology and warned Google that this new threat could escalate the already tense conflict. They called on Google to destroy its weapons of mobile information, to cease development of all such weapons, and to stop support for open source terrorist threats.

In another recent development, John Battelle and Bill O'Reilly returned from negotiations in Munich where they reportedly negotiated a partial disarmament of the WMIs. In a recent presentation before the w3c security council and Microsoft CEO, Steve Ballmer, they announced "We believe it is peace for our time."

In their presentation to the council Battelle and Oreilly revealed some of the terms of the agreement, including Term 6:
The final determination of the mobile data center based Wi-Fi frontiers will be carried out by the international commission. The commission will also be entitled to recommend to the four Powers Microsoft, Yahoo, IBM, Ask and Looksmart, in certain exceptional cases, minor modifications in the strictly ethnographical determination of the zones which are to be transferred without plebiscite.
All of the terms of the agreement were not revealed, but undisclosed sources reported that several concessions were made to appease Brin, Page, and Company. According to these sources, the collective databases from leading publisher Reed Elsevier will be ceded to Google. Also under the terms, Google will acquire Scirus and integrate it into Google Scholar.

In an attempt to assuage public concern over its recent aggression into Google today announced it would be using its G-36M and Strategic Server Force (GSSF) to provide free Wifi to the city of Mountain View. Whether the strategy will prove effective in swaying public opinion remains to be determined, but first signs appear optimistic.

Ongoing coverage of this breaking news story:
Google data centers and dark fiber connections
Google Announces Plan to Destroy All Information It Can't Index


  1. Anonymous7:29 PM EST

    Damn you Jeff, you have learned to speak my language. I never knew search could be so interesting.
    Steve Abott

  2. Come look at my Unified google theory of the universe:

    (I just got referred here after reading one of Greg Linden;s comments...
    the google master plan:

    and here:

    Essentially, I say Google now has:
    *Server farm
    *dark fiber to pops
    *plans for a localized Ad server
    *now SQLnet over various machines.
    * concept of "googlePC"

    so I show how it all ties together.

    Please comment (and let me know at links ABOVE) what you think.


    markb in nj